. and we keep this beat (with blistered feet) .

Mother's little farewell event for me last night was hardly neccessary. I've been doing this for years, after all.

Ah, but maybe it was more for Patrick's benefit. It's strange to see, after all his years begging to come along, how little he wants to leave home. It makes sense, after what he went through his first time in the field. He finally realizes it's not games and glory out there. Still, I think all the young ladies swooning over how dashing he's become would be less than impressed at his hesitance, last night.

Well, he's more than old enough to be coming, and he seemed a little more spirited this morning when I checked in on him to see if he was ready. I think he'll handle himself well enough.

Should I say farewell to my sisters again at the gates? I think we'll be off just after noon.

[Filter: Private]

I've done all I can for Caroline.

Whatever she chooses do about about that man ... it's in her hands, now. If she never speaks to him again, it won't be a decision made too quickly in a fit of emotion. And if she does ...

Well, we'll ... ford that river when we reach it.

For now, I have my own rivers to ford. It's been too long, and that man could be spreading rumours all across the South, because of my stupid mistake. I need to ... fix my own mess. Before it grows any larger. Tessa needs to conceive for either of us to put ... everything that happened behind us, and for that to happen ...

[Filter: Therese]

Darling, I think ...

I do think that we should talk. Because we've spent a very long time avoiding doing just that, and it has hardly helped.

[Filter: Princess Seraphine]

Your Highness, forgive me. I ... hate to bother you, but ...

I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time.

[Filter: Private]

I don't think that I've ever seen her so --

[Filter: Tessa]

Have you learned anything yet? It's been nearly a week.

[Filter: Caroline]

I just don't know what to do.

[Filter: Private]

This is ridiculous. It's -- it's embarrasing. It's been nearly a month since the wedding, and still, still, I haven't managed to -- to --

Is there something wrong with me?

Dragons, how am I supposed to know what to do about this? It's no one's business, and it's not as if it's a problem that a healer can fix. Assuming there is something wrong, assuming I haven't just ...

There's some irony here, yes, it is not lost of me. The man who impregnated his betrothed can't seem to consummate his marriage. What an absolute lark that is.

Tessa ...

She must be laughing at me. She swears she's not. Swears it up and down, but I can't help but think she must be. I would be, if I were her. After what I did to her, after what I put her though because I couldn't not lay with her before, now ...

How could she laugh, if not only so that she doesn't cry?

...

Ugh.

[Filter: Caroline]

Oh, I've forgotten to mention ...

I spoke to Lord Quinn.

[Filter: Private]

Trying is better than doing nothing, I suppose.

Maybe.

[Filter: Therese]

Tessa, I'm ... concerned.

[Filter: Private, in High Dentorian]

[a long pause]

Dear Kerrigan,

I'm sorry.

I believe that everything balances in the eyes of the Dragons. Isn't that what it's all about? Light and Dark, masculine and feminine ... those are the most basic tenants of our faith, aren't they? And so, it's only natural to believe that for every good thing a man does, something good comes to him. And, of course, for every bad thing a man does, he is paid back, in kind, with something bad happening to him.

... I killed a man.

No, that's misleading.

I've killed many. Men, women ... worse. Some might say those deaths were out of my hands, but I also believe that we always have our choices. I always tried to do it as cleanly as possible, to not involve anyone who wasn't a part of the conflict, but I can't say for sure whether or not that's the truth of the matter. I never took joy in their deaths, but, well. I hardly need to have.

And it would be a lie to say it wasn't satisfying, in that one case. Feeling Byron of Rowan bleeding out all over my hands, seeing him tumble from his horse ... what I felt in those moments was not regret or remorse. I was glad to see myself finally triumphing over him in something. I was proud to see him dying at my hands.

I ...

I think that's why you were born. And I think that's why you died.

And I ... I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry that my actions were the result of everything that happened. And I'm sorry that I didn't want you, didn't care if you lived or died.

I would very, very much like to have seen the woman you grew up to become.

I suppose ... that's really all there is to say.

[Filter: Private]

Dear Kerrigan,

I

[there is a very long pause before the above is scratched out, and then another very long pause before the writing haltingly begins again]

Dear Kerrigan,

I never wanted you to be born. But ever since you were, and then left us, you've been on my mind almost constantly. I

[this time there is no pause, the furious scratching begins the moment the pen leaves the page]

Dear Kerrigan

I don't see the point in writing this letter, but your aunt assures me that it's the only way for me to come to terms with things. I don't see how. It's ridiculous. You're read. You're not going to read it. She says it's for me, not you, but I can't imagine how this could possibly

[this time scratching is wild and harsh and cuts into the page. there is another long pause.]

This is -- ridiculous. I won't do it.