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Jan. 9th, 2008 07:24 pm[Filter: Private]
[a very, very, very long pause]
I'm frustrated that Patrick can't understand why I don't want him out here. I'm frustrated that Father isn't helping me convince me that it's dangerous, and that Mother actually seems to be pushing him toward it. I know what happens out here. He shouldn't be part of that.
I'm frustrated that Glenn of Rowan finds bandits on his patrol and makes it into a grand chase, while I am regulated to skulking arond without even seeing them, knowing they're there. He's congratulated by his Sovreign Lord and I'm afraid to even write in public about my progress.
My wedding is constantly postponed. With Caroline in Emeron, Dragons only know how long it will be before the day can happen. I have the most beautiful woman in Dentoria for my own, and I can't even touch her.
... Emmeline is dead and nothing can bring her back. They all think I'm heartless because I haven't cried as Laurel has, and haven't stopped living as Caroline has, but there is a hole where she was, I cannot deny that. I didn't finish her poem out for my benefit. My sister is dead, and it can't be changed.
I return home tomorrow with no news of success, to a foolish younger brother who wants to put himself into a bear's den, to a bride I want to have so much I could die, and ...
I remember when being at home made me feel right. Everyone was perfectly set out. The Routine is shattered now. I want it back.
[a very, very, very long pause]
I'm frustrated that Patrick can't understand why I don't want him out here. I'm frustrated that Father isn't helping me convince me that it's dangerous, and that Mother actually seems to be pushing him toward it. I know what happens out here. He shouldn't be part of that.
I'm frustrated that Glenn of Rowan finds bandits on his patrol and makes it into a grand chase, while I am regulated to skulking arond without even seeing them, knowing they're there. He's congratulated by his Sovreign Lord and I'm afraid to even write in public about my progress.
My wedding is constantly postponed. With Caroline in Emeron, Dragons only know how long it will be before the day can happen. I have the most beautiful woman in Dentoria for my own, and I can't even touch her.
... Emmeline is dead and nothing can bring her back. They all think I'm heartless because I haven't cried as Laurel has, and haven't stopped living as Caroline has, but there is a hole where she was, I cannot deny that. I didn't finish her poem out for my benefit. My sister is dead, and it can't be changed.
I return home tomorrow with no news of success, to a foolish younger brother who wants to put himself into a bear's den, to a bride I want to have so much I could die, and ...
I remember when being at home made me feel right. Everyone was perfectly set out. The Routine is shattered now. I want it back.
